Men Know...

Some thoughts on men and what they know...

• Men know that if a woman tells you she's late, ask her for what before you piss in your pants.
• Men know that Mother Nature's best aphrodisiac is still a naked woman.
• Men know that PMS is Mother Nature's way of telling you to get out of the house.
• Men know that if she looks like your mother, run.
• Men know that you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't eat your friends.
• Men know that there are at least three sides to every story: yours, hers, and the truth.
• Men know never to run away from a fight that you know you can win.
• Men know that cats are evil and cannot be trusted.
• Men know how to change the toilet paper, but to do so would ruin the game.
• Men know exactly how much gas is left in the tank and how far that gas will get them.
• Men know that from time to time, it is absolutely necessary to adjust oneself.
• Men know that a woman will wear a low-cut dress and expect them to stare at he cleavage. Men also know that the woman will get ticked off when they do, for reasons not totally clear to them.
• Men know that the reason people don't like cats is because they don't know how to cook them.
• Men know that there is no such thing as a sure thing, unless her name is Bambi...
• Men know that it's never a good idea to tell your father-in-law how good his daughter is in bed.
• Men know that men are from here, and women are from way the hell over there.
• Men know that in the entire history of the human race, no man has ever heard a woman fart.

Slogans for Women's T-shirts

1. So many men, so few who can afford me.
2. God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends.
3. If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I ain't going.
4. At my age, I've seen it all, done it all, heard it all...I just can't remember it all.
5. My Mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
6. Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog.
7. Coffee, chocolate, men . . . Some things are just better rich.
8. Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
9. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
10. Dinner Is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
11. It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
12. I'm out of estrogen-and I have a gun.
13. Guys have feelings too. But like...who cares?
14. Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
15. I hate everybody...and you're next.
16. And your point is...?
17. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
18. Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
19. Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time.
20. Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
21. You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
22. All stressed out and no one to choke.
23. I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
24. How can I miss you if you won't go away?
25. Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.
26. If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
27. Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.